What personal zone do you infiltrate when standing in line?

So I had to go to the art supply store to get some ink today. Not any art store, the Palo Alto University Art store where all the rich women with art hobbies go to buy there over priced art hobby stuff.

I was in the only person in line when a lady walks up and puts her face in my face and asks "Are you in line?".  Um DUH! I say "yes". She then proceeds to press against me as if we are in a crowded room to get behind me.  I'm like "ok".

She THEN stands up right against me! I mean exaggerate this in your head as much as you can! It was even closer than you can imagine!  After several seconds I take a step forward (we are the ONLY people in line) hoping she stays where she is. She doesn't. She steps right up against me again. So I wait a few more seconds and take another step forward, this time looking at her as to say "bitch, get off my shit!" She does it again.  We do this four times before I get called to my line which was THANKFULLY on the other side of the counter.

Man, bitch cunted my intimate zone! I feel dirty and not like the Jenna's Boobs dirty!
CU Next Tuesday!

Sorry we are out of fries?

So I went to McDonalds and ordered one of their value meals size large.  Doesn't that mean you get a large soda and fry with the meal? The  lady handed me my large diet soda and then the bag of what should be a large fry and burger.  I looked inside and there was only a small fry inside the bag.  I waited for her to come back to the window to try to correct my order quickly as the cars were piling up behind me.  I said, "Hi, I ordered a large fry. If I only paid for a small can I pay for another small?" The lady looked back to the kitchen and then to me and then to the kitchen and then back to me and said, "We don't have enough fries for a large"

Ok.

?

McDonalds cunted my french fry craving.
CU Next Tuesday!

St. Paddy's day blinded me.

Jenna wore her boobs out on St. Paddy's day this year. Every time I looked at her or tried to talk to her my eyes would be driven down to her cleavage and I would lose my thought.  I felt like a dirty old man.

Jenna's boobs cunted my concentration
CUNext Tuesday!

Sometimes life gets busy

I was too busy this week to publish an article.

I cunted the CUNT Chronicles
CU Next Tuesday!

Another way meth can ruin a family

My sister and I accompanied by our cousins Scout and Megs went out front to smoke one sunny afternoon on Easter at my parents house.  My cousins, two of the most questionable people I have ever met, heckled us as we walked exclaiming that we were going to hell because we haven't been "saved"and that they were only telling us this because they cared so much about us.  We were being verbally assaulted by the newly saved Born Agains.

Our family grew up basically non-religious. My mother didn't believe in organized religion so she kept us far away from it and the rest of the family just didn't really talk about religion.  It was pretty much non-existent in the public forum of our extended family.  But now, we pray at every family event, my mother talks about God and Jesus as if they were part of the family. Now it's God this and God that and God God OH MY GOD!!! Me, my sister and my dad are the last survivors of the families "born again" craze.

So once we get out front and light our cigarettes, my sis and I asked poignantly.. So Scout.. How exactly did you find Jesus.  He begins his story.

"Me and my girlfriend were on a five day Meth binge in our apartment and out of nowhere BAM! a lightning bolt flew out the sky and hit me it the chest throwing me across the room! At this moment I felt the love of God and Jesus and knew I had been saved!" We look at him with seriously sarcastic judgemental faces shaking our heads. "No, you don't understand! Even my girlfriend saw it! It THREW me across the room! It really happened!!!"

My sister looks at me and I look at my sister with expressions that I cannot even put into words.  I know we are thinking the same thing... "Um Scout... you were on a five day Meth binge... do you think you could have been hallucinating just a little bit?! You ARE CRAZY!" We choose to not even argue at this point. As we walk back to the house he get a second earful of how we are going to hell. So Christian of them.

So Scout is the first to be saved by Jesus, My cousin Megs (who has also had a sorted past) follows shortly after and so do my Aunt and Uncle and that entire side of my family. To my disbelief my own mother follows a few years later.  Now all you hear about is God this and God that and Jesus blah blah blah!  They all moved to Boise which for those who don't know, Boise is to Born Agains as Utah is to Mormons. My mother is now forcing my father to seal the Born Again fate and move to Boise joining the rest of the family. My family has turned into the most judgemental intolerant group of people I have ever met.

All of this from a five day Meth binge and a wild hallucination from our dear cousin Scout.

Meth cunted my family.
CU Next Tuesday!